Evil Overlord List
by Himizu-chan
Summary: When Himizu and Ryouko find an Evil Overlord List on the Internet, they instantly think of YYH! This is a parody of the Evil Overlord List I found online, starring Hiei as the Evil Overlord! Complete!
1. Action!

A/N: Hey everyone, I'm bored with ENG, and I'm stuck on BSTV's, and I was surfing the Net when I found this great list online. So now I'm writing a fanfic based on it. It's not gonna be very long, I think maybe 5 or 6 chapters, but that's a big maybe... I've only written half a page of chapter 2 and I'm already written 3 or 4 items from the list and they're only 100... so this is justa little short thing I'm writing to amuse people while I try to find inspiration for my other two fics. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own YYH or the Evil Overlord List. I've convientiently stolen both of them to create an amusing fanfic.

Dedication: This chapter is dedicated to Dra Gan, because he emailed me this morning to tell me that his stepfather died yesterday. Idon't know if I want this to help orconsoleor what, but it seemed like a good idea to post this now. I'm so sorry, Dra Gan.

**The New Project**

Himizu and Ryouko stood calmly in the middle of a room, waiting for the camera to be turned on… not realizing it was already on. After several minutes of patient smiling, Himizu finally got fed up and stalked over to the camera. When she realized it was on, and had been on, and that she and Ryouko had wasted several minutes of tape, she swore and blew something up. The screen went dark.

The screen came back on, revealing the girls again. They were now sure that the camera was on, and they launched into their latest project.

"I realize it's been a while since I did something original!" Himizu began.

"And while searching the Internet, we found this great list…" Ryouko continued.

"And we instantly thought of Hiei and the rest of the YYH Cast!" Himizu said happily.

"So, joining us, as usual, are our wonderful friends!" Ryouko finished, jerking back a black curtain behind the girls, revealing many of the Cast members, bound and duct taped to chairs. As soon as Hiei saw them, an aura of fire enveloped him as he glared furiously. However, duct tape is amazingly powerful, so it wasn't at all affected. The girls grinned in delight.

"Aw, Hiei-chan, what are you so mad about?" Ryouko wondered. Hiei glared at her.

"I know you two by now. Whenever you conspire about anything that involves us, it's never good. I don't want any part of it."

"Unfortunately for you, you don't have a choice," Himizu told him. He glared at her, probably attempting to set her on fire with his mind, but she glared by with a steady icy gaze.

"Hiei, you'll enjoy this! You're the main character!" Ryouko cried.

"That's even worse! Remember The Emperor's New Groove? Youko was the main character, and you made him wear a llama costume!"

"MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!" Himizu cackled. Hiei rolled his eyes and looked at Ryouko.

"See what I mean? Why should I feel safe just because I'm the main character?"

"Because of the project we're doing. It's a really good one, you'll love it!" she told him. "Besides, it's not a movie or anything, it's more like a tableau. I don't know if it will be one, Himizu doesn't really know what she's doing."

"Tell me what the project is before I say yes."

Ryouko glanced at the still-cackling Himizu, then took the script from her and held it in front of Hiei's eyes so he could read it. He scanned the first few lines, and an evil grin slowly spread over his face.

"Okay, I'll do it."

"I knew you would!" Ryouko said happily, hugging him and releasing him from the duct tape. "Hey, Himizu, he said he's do it!"

"MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA… Huh? He will! Excellent! Let's get started!" she cried happily, running off to find costumes and suchlike.

"Wait, we didn't agree! Why is he the only one that had to agree!" cried Yusuke.

"Because none of us really gives a shit what you think about what we're doing, you'll do it whether you want to or not or we'll beat you into a bloody pulp of pain and misery… Correction. Himizu will beat you into a bloody pulp of pain and misery with her oversized mallet or hockey stick or whatever happens to be in her hand or within reach at the time. I probably won't. But if you piss me off, I will pull out a flamethrower, so I would just listen and do as you're told."

"But what are we doing?" Kuwabara asked. Ryouko grinned widely, if she had had cat features, she would have looked EXACTLY like the Cheshire Cat.

"You'll find out…" she said, still grinning like a mad person… which she was, but that is beside the point.

Himizu came skittering back into the room. She was carrying a black costume, which she threw at Hiei. He looked at it, then at her. He gave her a weird look. She gave him a pissed off look. He glared. She glared back and grabbed her mallet. He shrugged and put on the costume. It was an elegant black robe with a high collar, putting everyone in mind of a very evil character in any one of several dozen action movies. Ryouko touched her finger against her cheek and leaned her head against her hand.

"That looks good, Hiei. You really look the part… Himizu, this is definitely one of your better ideas."

"Thank you, thank you!" Himizu said, bowing. "Okay, let's get started. I'm sure you're all wondering what it is we're going to do. Here it is!" She held out the script with a flourish. Kurama looked at it and his eyes widened considerably.

"Evil Overlord List? Let me guess, Hiei is the Evil Overlord?" he said nervously. Yusuke and Kuwabara exchanged terrified glances and started scooting their chairs towards the door. Ryouko and Himizu glared, causing them to freeze in their tracks.

"Yes, Kurama, Hiei is the Evil Overlord. He's so perfect for the part," Ryouko said cheerfully.

"Now let's get started!" Himizu exclaimed. Everyone else but Hiei and Ryouko flinched visibly, but they knew resistance was futile. So the latest project began.


	2. Items 1 through 12

A/N: For some reason, I haven't posted this... (Is puzzled) I was done or nearly done with this chatper when I posted the first one, but for some reason, I'm just now posting it... (Still puzzled) And in the meantime, I'm written another chapter... -.- I don't know what my problem is... Oh well, I'm updating. Celebrate!

Disclaimer: I don't own YYH or the Evil Overlord List.

**Evil Overlord List, Items 1-12**

Ryouko and Himizu stood in front of curtains, ready to begin. The YYH Cast was nowhere in sight.

"Item 1… My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear Plexiglas visors, not face-concealing ones."

The curtain was pulled back, revealing Hiei standing on a platform watching his troops (AKA, various members of the Cast) who were wearing black visors. They could not see, so they bumbled around awkwardly, crashing into walls and each other. Hiei put his head in his hands and shook his head in frustration.

"Item 2… My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through."

The curtain was pulled back to show various members of the Cast crawling through ventilation ducts, able to access every area of Hiei's fortress. Hiei made several notes, then sent in a team of ogre carpenters to make the ducts smaller… and try to trap Kuwabara in the process, but on that note, they were unsuccessful.

"Item 3… My noble half-brother, whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon." Himizu paused. "I feel like I should make a disclaimer after the viewers see this scene…"

"By all means…" said Ryouko. "I kinda feel the same way."

The curtain pulled back to show Hiei dragging Touya down to a forgotten cell in his dungeon, then stopping, thinking about this, then smiling evilly and drawing his sword. Ryouko whistled, and he stopped, shrugged, and put it back.

"See, the reason I made Touya his half-brother is that, you know Hiei's half-Koorime or whatever… some kind of ice demon… and I've read too many fanfics where Touya is also part Koorime, which doesn't really makes sense since I've heard they're supposed to be all female, but I thought it would be kinda funny, especially since Touya is all noble and everything… but Hiei's not really going to kill Touya, ARE YOU?"

Hiei blinked. Himizu glared. Hiei glared back. The pair stood there and glared at each other for a while. Touya took the opportunity to leave.

"ITEM 4!" Ryouko yelled, causing the two glarer's to jump and stare at her in surprise. Ryouko treated them to a glare of her own and Hiei went back behind the curtain to prepare for the next scene and Himizu came to stand next to Ryouko, muttering under her breath as she did so.

"Item 4… Shooting is not too good for my enemies… Oh my… who came up with that?"

"How about swords?" Hiei asked.

"NO! GUNS!" Himizu yelled at him.

"Fine…" muttered Hiei.

The curtain came up, showing Hiei grinning like a maniac and shooting a machine gun at Yusuke and Kuwabara.

"You know, I'm starting to see why you two like these things so much…" Hiei admitted as he made Kuwabara dance by shooting bullets at his feet.

"Would we ever steer you wrong…" Hiei nodded. "You didn't let me finish! Would we ever steer you wrong in regards to weapons?" asked Ryouko,

"Ah… excellent point."

"Thank you. Anyways… Item 5… The artifact that is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object that is my one weakness."

The curtain goes up to show Hiei taking the artifact away from right under the noses of the sleeping Dragons and putting it in his safe-deposit box.

"They were horrible guardians anyway…" he muttered.

"Item 6… I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them."

A badly drawn cartoon of Hiei standing over Yusuke and Kuwabara and pointing and laughing at them with his sword in hand appears. Finally the cartoon shows Yusuke and Kuwabara getting mad and killing him. Hiei's eyes widen slowly and he begins to make notes on a clipboard.

"Item 7… When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No" and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him, then say "No"."

Another badly drawn cartoon appears, also showing Hiei standing over Yusuke and Kuwabara. After Yusuke asks him what this is all about, Hiei begins a very long-winded explanation, which takes many hours. In the meantime, Yusuke and Kuwabara escape and bring back troops to defeat Evil Overlord Hiei, who is still babbling about his plans for world domination. Hiei's eyes widen even more and he continues to make frantic notes.

"Item 8… After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out."

"Himizu…"

"What?"

"Who's going to be the princess…?"

"Um… about that…"

"Himizu…"

"Well, I wanted to use Yukina, but that seemed SO wrong."

"Yeah…"

"And Shizuru and Keiko don't really "look" the part…"

"Go on…"

"And Koto and Juri are just so… you know…"

"Oh no…"

"So the only one left is…"

"Oh man… he's not gonna like this…"

"Well, would he rather…"

"No, shut up, you're going to say something stupid and I don't wanna hear it!"

"Fine!"

The curtain pulled back, revealing Hiei in a spiffy tuxedo, looking very classy… the princess bride was Botan. Hiei's eye twitched madly as he walked up to where Kurama was standing, playing the part of the priest. He glared at Kuwabara and Yusuke, who were decorating the wedding area lavishly.

"It's supposed to be simple, fools!" Hiei exclaimed.

"I never thought I'd see it…" Yusuke said, snickering.

Hiei's eyebrow twitched.

"Ahem… moving on! Item 9… I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labeled "Danger: Do Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labeled as such."

Hiei cackled as he watched Kuwabara push the big red button and dance around trying to avoid the bullets. Amazingly enough, he did, but Himizu might have been helping with that. She needed Kuwabara to keep playing the buffoon in her other fics.

"Item 10… I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum… a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well."

Hiei snapped his fingers at Jin, who was wearing a chauffeur's uniform. They drove a fancy limo to a Day's Inn to interrogate the enemy. How Himizu and Ryouko created the illusion of a Day's Inn inside their studio, the world will never know.

"Item 11… I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat."

Hiei smirked as he was given permission to killer various anonymous demons who were representing his weaker enemies. The only note he left said "$# YOU!" There were no clues or riddles.

"Which of course, does not mean that Hiei-chan isn't smart enough to do those things if he wanted to, he's just choosing not to," Ryouko said.

"Right… you keep telling yourself that…" Himizu muttered. Ryouko glared.

"Anyways… Item 12… One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation."

"Well, we don't have any five-year-old children… but Rinku will do."

The curtain was pulled back to show Rinku playing with his yo-yos while Hiei explained his plans. Finally Hiei got mad because Rinku wasn't listening and set many things in the studio on fire.

"ACK! What the heck are you doing, Hiei!" screamed Himizu.

"This is getting ridiculous," Hiei snapped.

"Someone needs anger management classes," Himizu growled. Hiei laughed.

"Try and make me take some," he challenged. Himizu growled and an aura of ice and fire appeared behind her.

"CONTROL YOUR TEMPER!" she yelled at him.

"You should talk…" Ryouko muttered. Himizu glared at her.

"All right, cut! That's enough for today. But we still have 88 items to go, so be ready when I tell you to be! Got it?" Himizu called to the YYH Cast. Incoherent mumbling answered her. She sighed. "It's hopeless…"

A/N: He he... hoped you liked it. This is fun... I have some really great ideas coming up. It may have to be longer than my earlier estimate of 5 or 6 chapters... I think it'll be closer to 8 or 9... It's taking longer to write the list than I thought... Oh well. More fun for me to write, more fun for you to read. Review! Ja ne!


	3. Items 13 through 22

A/N: I know, this is a bit of a slow update, but I've been stuck on chapter 4, which I just finished yesterday, and I'm going to try to keep one chapter between the one I post and the one I'm working on. (Shrug) Gym is evil, but I only have 5 more days, thank the Holy Duck. Then I get a week off, then I'm going to camp! Skippy! Extreme Bio... I get to go in quicksand. No, I'm not going to fall into it and get sucked into some black hole. I'll end up in Hell and blackmail the Devil to let me back out. Mwa ha ha.

Disclaimer: I don't own YYH or the Evil Overlord List, but I have a copy of the Evil Overlord List, the YYH Cast do whatever I want them to do in fanfics, and I just downloaded over 100 songs! FEAR ME! (Cackles like a maniac while listening to said music)

Evil Overlord List, Items 13-22

Warning: I wrote this after coming home from taking a math exam! My brain was fried! So if this sounds really off the wall, that's why! BTW, I got a 96 on the exam, so I was also very happy!

"WE'RE BAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKK!" Himizu yelled, scaring the crap out of everyone.

"Why can't you at least try to be normal?" Hiei demanded.

"NEVER BE NORMAL!" Himizu and Ryouko screamed simultaneously. Hiei twitched.

"Um… okay…" he muttered. The girls grinned.

"Okay, let's get started! Places, everyone!" Himizu yelled.

"Item 13… All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal."

Hiei grinned and conjured up a ball of fire. "That can be easily arranged," he said, smirking at Yusuke and Kuwabara, who ran for their lives as Hiei hurled fireballs and shot a machine gun at them.

"We've created a monster…" Ryouko said. "And he's wasting my bullets!"

"He already was a monster," Himizu replied. "And you can always conjure up more."

"Excellent point. Moving on. Item 14… The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request."

Hiei glared as Kuwabara smoked a cigarette from a holder, like Captain Hook from Peter Pan. Yusuke made out with Keiko. Hiei knocked the cigarette out of Kuwabara's hand, setting his shirt on fire. Then he tried to drag Keiko out of the room, but she and Yusuke beat him up.

"Okay… that was a really bad idea…" Hiei muttered as Yusuke and Keiko made out again. Ryouko and Himizu rolled their eyes.

"Get out of here, Keiko! We're in the middle of filming here! You and Yusuke can make out later, but we're busy now!" Himizu yelled. Keiko snorted in disgust and stalked out. Himizu rolled her eyes again. "Item 15… I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation."

Hiei fiddled with a digital clock and then made it blow up just as Yusuke was climbing onto Kuwabara's shoulders to try to open a small trapdoor that he never would have fit through… Hiei laughed like a maniac as Yusuke and Kuwabara lay on the floor with swirly eyes and suchlike.

"Item 16… I will never utter the sentence, 'But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know'."

A little cartoon popped up showing Hiei saying that sentence. As he paused, Yusuke stood up and fired his spirit gun at him, yelling, "Too bad, punk!" The cartoon then showed Yusuke laughing like a maniac as Hiei ran around with his head on fire. Hiei sweatdropped and his eyes became small dots.

"Okay then…" he muttered, looking slightly frightened.

"Item 17… When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice."

Hiei was seated around a table with Chuu, who was drunk, Jin, who was making tornados, Rinku, who was playing with his yo-yos, and Kaito, who was reading a book and not listening to anything Hiei was saying.

"Make that… very very occasionally…" Hiei muttered in disgust.

"Um… yeah… Item 18… oh dear… I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time."

"WTF?" squawked Hiei. "I'm not getting married, or having a son!"

"You married Botan, remember? And you're not supposed to have a son, that's the point of this item," Himizu reminded him. He scowled. Himizu twitched slightly and signaled that the cartoon should be shown.

The cartoon showed a small version of Hiei trying to take the crown from his father, Hiei, as Hiei tried to fight off Yusuke with one hand and keep his son away with the other.

"Aaawww, it's so cute!" Ryouko said, giggling. Hiei rolled his eyes.

Hiei scowled again. Himizu twitched again. "He's really not going to like the next one…" she muttered. Ryouko read the script, and twitched as well.

"No he is not… but the show must go on! Item 19… I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her own father."

"… …" -.- Hiei was too angry to speak. Himizu sweatdropped nervously.

A little cartoon showed the female Hiei that appears in Kuwabara's visions when he finds out that Hiei has a sister flirting with a rugged looking young man, who pulled off a rubber mask and showed himself to be Kuwabara. The female Hiei cut off Kuwabara's head and ran off laughing like a maniac. Hiei turned to stare at Himizu. So did everyone else in the Cast, except Kuwabara, who ran and hid.

"You have problems," Kurama informed Himizu.

"Heh heh… Couldn't resist…" Himizu admitted, grinning sheepishly. Ryouko shook her head with a sigh.

"Item 20… Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly."

Hiei twitched. "Do I have to…?"

"YES, GODDAMNIT!" Himizu exclaimed, annoyed.

Hiei sighed, cleared his throat, and let loose with a barrage of maniacal laughter that made Ryouko and Himizu (the experts at maniacal laughter) somewhat impressed. Meanwhile, Yusuke and Kuwabara walked all over Hiei's stronghold and stole his world domination plans while Hiei laughed like a nut in the middle of the room.

"Good scene guys!" Himizu said. As soon as she spoke, Hiei's laughter stopped as though someone had pulled a plug from him. He stood there, calm and serious as ever, waiting for the next scene.

"You can tell he doesn't mind doing this," said Ryouko.

"How so?" asked Himizu.

"He hasn't seriously attempted to murder you yet," Ryouko responded.

"Point taken. Ok, item 21… I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi storm troopers, Roman foot soldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set."

Kurama and several other members of the Cast stood around wearing Nazi uniforms. Ryouko ran in and threw bombs at them and ran out again. Kurama looked at Hiei.

"We're doomed, aren't we?"

"Think positive, Lieutenant Kurama! Positive!" Hiei declared.

"All right… maybe they'll allow us to surrender peacefully instead of massacring us."

"THAT'S NOT POSITIVE!" Hiei yelled. Kurama fell over from the force of the sound.

"Sheesh, for a little guy, you're sure noisy…" Kurama shut up as Hiei pointed his machine gun at his head. Kurama then looked over at Himizu. "I forever curse the day you gave him those."

"Hey, it was Ryouko's gun!"

"WITCH! STOP STEALING MY WEAPONS!" Ryouko yelled.

"MAKE ME!" Himizu yelled back.

"FINE! I WILL!" Ryouko yelled, racing in with a katana.

Himizu jumped up, wielding her own katana. They battled for several minutes, until Hiei tripped both of them and glared.

"Hiei actually wants us to get back to filming… and readers aren't threatening his life. That has to be a first," Himizu noted. "Okay, back to work. Item 22… No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head. Oh this will be a good one."

Hiei looked at a giant ball of blue light that had to be at least twice the size of his head. "You have to be kidding me…" he muttered.

"Good choice, it'll turn you into a mutant with six arms and hair that will actually follow the law of gravity…" Himizu muttered, bouncing the ball of light like a basketball. Hiei's eye twitched.

"Why do you have a giant energy field in your studio anyways?" Kurama wondered.

"Uh… you never know when you might need one of these things…" Himizu said, shrugging.

"What else do you have in here?" asked Hiei.

"Believe me, you don't wanna know!" Ryouko assured him.

After a moment of reflection, Hiei realized that she was right; he didn't want to know.

A/N: Read and Review! Expect an update... hopefully within the next couple weeks! (Crosses fingers nervously)


	4. Items 23 through 33

Evil Overlord List, Items 23-33

A/N: Hi everyone, I'm back from camp! And when I got back, I had several emails in my inbox, including one from Kato Shingetsu! She sent me a website with the Evil Overlord list on it and I have 131 more steps! Isn't that awesome! Kudos for Kato-kun! Thank you so much!

Disclaimer: I own nothing, do you hear me! I am angry that I own nothing because I really wanna own the Blue Jackets and I don't and that makes me mad the stupid general manager is screwing up the team! If he doesn't sign a contract with Nik Zherdev, I will be a very angry Himizu-chan! I also don't own YYH or the Evil Overlord List.

"So anyways," said Himizu with a sheepish grin, kicking the giant energy field into a small closet that vanished as soon as she shut the door, "let's just move on! Item 23… I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way, even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless, my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks. Whoops, I think I was supposed to get rid of that one," she added thoughtfully as various people, including Chuu, Jin, and Yen (from Team Ichigaki… chipmunk dude!) ran screaming with simple guns that Hiei had given them to attack other various people including Yusuke, Kuwabara, and Mitari who were armed with, yes, spears and rocks.

"YEN! MINE!" Ryouko screamed, tackling the skinny orange-haired kid. Himizu sighed.

"I knew it was a mistake to bring him here," she muttered, watching as Yen hurled several Angel Blade things at her and made his escape. "Moving on… Item 24… I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line 'No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!' After that, death is usually instantaneous. Oh yes…"

Hiei was seen fighting with Yusuke. Yusuke corners him and as he stabs downwards, Hiei cries out, "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!" Then he is stabbed and dies. The scene flickers and now everyone realizes that this was only a movie projection. Hiei and Yusuke sat next to each other eating popcorn and watching the scene.

"Yeah, this is so bad… I sound so whiny…" Hiei said calmly.

"Yeah, and there is no way I could beat you sword fighting… you would kick my ass every time… now, a fist fight, maybe," Yusuke replied.

Ryouko giggled as she watched them. "This is so funny to watch… Anyways… Item 25… No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery, which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot."

Shots are shown of Hiei running around at his fastest speed, constructing some kind of end-of-the-world device. After a while, Yusuke and Kuwabara come in and Kuwabara tries to cut the machine with his spirit sword. He fails miserably. Yusuke finally shoots his spirit gun at a certain point and the whole thing blows up, sending Yusuke and Kuwabara flying. Hiei comes in, sees what they've done, and starts jumping up and down on top of them, screaming with rage. Himizu sweatdropped.

"Um… yeah… Item 26… No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bedchamber… Oh for heaven's sakes, that should go without saying."

"What is it with you and my being married or having kids or sleeping with someone?" Hiei demanded.

"That sounded sick… but anyways, don't blame me, blame the people who originally wrote the list!" Himizu exclaimed.

"Fine…" Hiei muttered, beginning to plot the murder of whoever came up with these steps. Then he went and peacefully filmed a scene where he watches several prisoners being led into his dungeons. He sees Botan, appears to consider having her sent to him, then dismisses it.

"Why Botan?" Ryouko asked.

"For the same reasons that I made Botan play the lovely princess of whatever back in Item 8."

"Ah… good point. Okay, Item 27… I will never build only one of anything important. All important systems will have redundant control panels and power supplies. For the same reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all times. Oh goody."

Hiei smirked as he examined identical control panels, which were being taken to separate areas. Yusuke and Kuwabara entered, intending to destroy the panels. Hiei pulled out two fully loaded machine guns and fired at the two boys, who fled for their lives.

"Oh, we're going to regret teaching him how to use these guns… Item 28… My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble."

Helen, from the Tarukane thing, is seen snarling in a cage that is both easily opened by a beast of her strength and in an area that Hiei could easily walk into if he were not paying attention. She glared at Hiei and it was obvious to everyone that she was envisioning covering him in steak sauce and devouring him. Hiei sweatdropped and went far away to make plans to rectify this unfortunate situation. Himizu tossed Helen a fangirl bitch to pacify her and went on with the list.

"Item 29… I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion. Mwa ha ha!"

"I'm not doing this…" Hiei snarled from off-camera. Ryouko stood laughing just within view. She had dragged Hiei off to the side and forced his new costume over his head.

"Come on Hiei, you agreed to this!" she called.

"I should have read past item 7…" Hiei muttered.

"Your mistake, baka. NOW FILM, GODAMNIT!" Himizu yelled at him, getting the evil Anime face with the big eyes and lots of teeth… yeah… if you watch or read any of Rurouni Kenshin, you will know exactly what I am talking about.

Hiei stepped into view, wearing an odd outfit consisting of many squares of colorful fabric (like it had once been a quilt and was now Hiei's costume) and to crown that, he was wearing a colorful floppy jesters hat, bells and all. Yusuke and Kuwabara stared in shock, then fell over, laughing like maniacs. Hiei twitched and looked ready to commit murder. Himizu and Ryouko cackled evilly.

"Item 30… All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be pre-emotively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief."

Hiei was given permission to chase Kuwabara, who was now dressed as a jester, even more so than Hiei had been, with his katana and a machine gun. Kuwabara screamed like a girl, ran about twenty feet, then tripped over his own two feet and passed out. Hiei laughed at him for being a weak fool and beat him up with a baseball bat, courtesy of Ryouko. Himizu sweatdropped nervously.

"Amusing as this is… Item 31… All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with surly, world-weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected reinforcement and/or romantic subplot for the hero or his sidekick."

Hiei was shown cruising a tavern and seeing Juri and Koto as waitresses. He looked horrified, and quickly replaced them with Keiko and Shizuru. Shizuru then mauled him for making her wear the extremely skimpy outfit that the barmaids had to wear while Keiko beat up Yusuke for flipping up her short skirt. Ryouko and Himizu laughed their heads off.

"Why didn't you make Yukina a barmaid?" Ryouko asked. Himizu looked horrified.

"Do you know what Hiei would have done to me? He would have instantly assumed that I was supporting the so-called "relationship" that Kuwabara is delusional enough to think actually exists between him and Yukina! And then Hiei would have murdered me and cut my body into pieces and burned them and fed the ashes to Kuwabara's cat! I hate his cat! I don't wanna end up as cat food!"

"Are you saying that you would have done it if you knew Hiei wouldn't have fed you to Kuwabara's cat?" Ryouko asked.

"…" Himizu stared in slack-jawed horror. "NO, BAKA!" she screamed, sending Ryouko flying into a wall.

"Okay then…" Ryouko managed to squeak.

"Wow… violent children…" Kurama muttered.

"SHUT UP!" Himizu screamed, going rabid and doom-like. Kurama 'eep'ed and turned into a two-inch tall chibi. Himizu panted furiously for a few moments, then became completely normal. "Item 32… I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by."

Mitari the messenger stood before Hiei giving him bad news. An aura of fire appeared around Hiei and he seemed about to let loose the Black Dragon, but then paused, seemed to think better of it, and contented himself with blowing up a nearby random vase, much to Mitari's relief.

"What were you so worried about, Mitari? You know Himizu wouldn't have let anything happen to you," Ryouko reminded him.

"I don't think she has that much control over Hiei…" Mitari admitted.

"You know what… You're probably right," Ryouko stated after a moment of thought. "Item 33… I won't require high-ranking female members of my organization to wear a stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more casual dress code. Similarly, outfits made entirely from black leather will be reserved for formal occasions. Great…"

A VERY PO'd Shizuru appeared wearing very tight black leather. Hiei twitched and ran away as Shizuru chased him, screaming obscenities. Himizu and Ryouko laughed at Hiei.

"Why are you making Shizuru beat up Hiei so much?" Ryouko wondered.

"I dunno… I just feel like I've neglected her, and I love seeing her beat people up."

"I can accept that…" Ryouko said, watching the interesting chase scene.


	5. Items 34 through 45

A/N: Well, here is Chapter 5. Personally, this is my favorite chapter out of the ones I've written so far. Enjoy!

Evil Overlord List, Items 34-45

After watching Shizuru attempt to murder Hiei for a while, Himizu caved and allowed the older girl to smoke for a while. Then they got back to work.

"Item 34… I will not turn into a snake. It never helps."

A cartoon appeared, showing Hiei turn into a snake with Hiei's hair. (o.o) Then Puu in his giant form appeared, grabbed him, and flew off. Hiei's eye twitched.

"You have so many issues…" he said to Himizu.

"I know… my therapist is a failure."

"I AM NOT, BAKA!" Ryouko exclaimed, hitting her on the head with a baseball bat. Himizu fell over with swirly eyes. Kurama's eye twitched.

"She may have a point if that's your idea of therapy…"

Ryouko looked at her swirly-eyed friend. "Eh heh heh…" she laughed nervously. "Let's get on with it… Item 35… I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X."

A little computer appeared, showing a picture of Hiei in PhotoShop. The little mouse began to color on a small French goatee. Then the little mouse began to color on a small French moustache. Eventually it went crazy, drawing a completely Frenchified Hiei! Complete with beret! (Authoress now begins to repeatedly hit self on the head with a book, vowing to cut back on Mountain Dew… promptly breaking that vow by opening another can.) Hiei started twitching badly and cut the computer in half with his sword. Himizu got the little upside-down U eyes and a huge sweatdrop.

"Heh heh… Item 36… I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cellblock, let alone the same cell. If they are important prisoners, I will keep the only key to the cell door on my person instead of handing out copies to every bottom-rung guard in the prison."

Shots showing Hiei putting Yusuke and Kuwabara in the same cell, then giving copies to his guards, Rinku and Chuu. Chuu promptly gets drunk and Rinku starts playing with a yo-yo, totally not paying attention as Kuwabara uses his spirit sword to grab Chuu's key and he and Yusuke flee. When Hiei finds out, he is furious, to say the least. A severely singed Chuu is quickly shipped off to the hospital.

"Right…um… anyways… Item 37… If my trusted lieutenant tells me my Legions of Terror are losing a battle, I will believe him. After all, he's my trusted lieutenant… Hiei trusting? Hm…"

Kurama walked in, saluted, and reported that the Legions were losing a battle. Hiei laughed and launched into some tirade about how his Legions were invincible, blah blah blah, and as he ranted, the palace was overrun by Yusuke, Kuwabara, and many small gnomes, like the ones in the Harry Potter computer games! (Authoress wonders why her brain seems to be on an acid trip… decided that she must have eaten some odd plant while in the forest during camp and does not worry anymore.)

"Item 38… If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age. Now if all Evil Overlords would learn this one, we'd have a lot more Evil Overlords to worry about…"

Little chibi Yusuke watches as Hiei kills a dummy that looks suspiciously like Raizen… He becomes very upset, and vows revenge. Then a shot shows normal Yusuke burning effigies of Hiei, ranting about how he's doing it for his great-great whatever the hell number of great's grandfather Raizen. Hiei watched with a huge sweatdrop on his face.

"You're on drugs," he told Himizu.

"AM NOT!" she yelped indignantly. Hiei held up an empty can of Mountain Dew.

"Last time I checked, caffeine was a drug…"

"Shaddup."

"Item 39… If I absolutely must ride into battle, I will certainly not ride at the forefront of my Legions of Terror, nor will I seek out my opposite number among his army."

Hiei is shown riding a horse in the very back of his army. As Yusuke approaches him to do battle, Hiei directs his Legions of Terror to kill him with arrows. Hiei wins. The scene flickers and it's revealed to be a projection once again. Hiei eyes Yusuke and laughs evilly at the thought of peppering him with arrows. Yusuke twitches and inches away from psychotic Hiei.

"Item 40… I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable super weapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve."

Hiei is shown with a giant cannon loaded with nukes. Laughing psychotically, he fires the cannon repeatedly at Yusuke and Kuwabara, devastating the surrounding countryside. Eventually, the whole place turns black and it's obvious there's no living thing outside of Hiei's castle for miles.

"Item 41… Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time-travel devices."

Shots of Hiei carefully assembling a few hundred various types of time machines. He is very methodical about placing every device in just the right position. Then he stands back, admires his handiwork, then suddenly pulls out a giant mallet and starts smashing them, laughing like a maniac the whole time.

Ryouko looked at Himizu. "Now just try to tell me that you didn't spike his coffee."

"All I had to do was add a cup of sugar to my own special coffee and that was the result," said Himizu with an innocent smile.

Ryouko walked over to the coffeepot and took a sample. Suddenly her hair stood on end. "HIMIZU! THIS IS ALMOST 100 CAFFEINE!" she shrieked.

"It's good………" said Himizu with a huge creepy smile. Ryouko slapped her forehead in disgust.

"I'm surrounded by idiots…" she moaned.

A little later, after the caffeine-high idiots get off their high…

"Item 42… When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around."

Shot of Hiei locking Yusuke and Kuwabara in a dungeon, then putting Eikichi and Puu into cages of their own, far away from their masters. Then he walked off, laughing crazily.

"Hiei laughs a lot in this fic… that's kinda weird…" observed Ryouko.

"True that. Item 43… I will maintain a healthy amount of skepticism when I capture the beautiful rebel and she claims she is attracted to my power and good looks and will gladly betray her companions if I just let her in on my plans."

"If this is Botan again… I'll…" Hiei stopped speaking as Botan, the rebel, walked in with a charming smile on her face, intent on wheedling out his plans on world domination. Hiei twitched and looked ready to blow something up. Botan got her innocent cat face and took off running.

"Er… yeah… anyways… Item 44… I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who work for the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even the odds to give the other guy a sporting chance."

Shots showed Yusuke fighting with Kamiya Minoru (AKA Doctor). He actually gave Yusuke a chance to fight him instead of sneaking up and killing him like Hagari the sniper would have. Hiei shook his head and turned to Hagari.

"Soon as Doctor's dead, you can take over. Here's your cash," he said. Hagari took the cash without comment.

"Item 45… I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my organization. For example, if my general screws up I will not draw my weapon, point it at him, say 'And here is the price for failure', then suddenly turn and kill some random underling."

Hiei glared at General Rando, who had just failed to capture Yusuke and Kuwabara, and said coldly, "And here is the price for failure." He then turned around and killed a random ogre. Rando just blinked.

There is a fade-out and then everything fades back in, so we know that some time has passed.

Repeat previous scene. Hiei glared at General Rando, shoots off the line, and kills a random ogre.

Fade-out. Fade-in.

Repeat scene.

(Get comfortable, this could go on a while.)

Fade-out. Fade-in.

Repeat scene.

Fade-out. Fade-in.

Repeat scene.

Fade-out. Fade-in.

Hiei glared at General Rando yet again. He then said, "And here is the price for failure, you useless incompetent!" This time, he pulled out his machine gun and shot Rando repeatedly, laughing all the while. As he laughed, Rando fell over and it is revealed that Hiei just shot a cardboard cutout of Rando.

A/N: Hope you all liked it! No promises as to when the next update will be since I have almost no time to work on fics right now. Review please! Ja ne!


	6. Items 46 through 59

A/N: HOLY GOD, I'M UPDATING!!! After 10 months of having a one-page chapter sitting in my computer, I was suddenly whacked on the head with the wiffle bat of inspiration and this whole thing took only an hour total to type out. I'm finally keeping my promise to leave no fic unfinished on my page... of course, this thing isn't finished yet, but that's okay. I'm working on it again, and will continue to work on it, and I will not leave it unattended for 10 months ever again, promise!

Disclaimer: I own nothing! You should just be happy I'm writing again!

Evil Overlord List, Items 46-59

"Himizu, you're really weird," Ryouko told her unnecessarily.

"I know," she replied, also unnecessarily. "Item 46… If an advisor says to me 'My liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do?' I will reply 'This.' and kill the advisor."

Hiei is seen talking, then his advisor, Kaito, comes up to him and says, "My liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do?"

Hiei looked thoughtful. "Well, he could raise an army, start a mass revolution, grind our production to a halt, cut off all the supplies to our castle, then storm it and overpower us and kill me and destroy my every dream of ruling this country as an Evil Overlord must. What can he do indeed?"

Kaito looked relieved that Hiei hadn't gone for the gun.

"Item 47… If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I will slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature."

A shot of chibi Yusuke attempting to raise an army by walking around carrying a badly drawn portrait of Hiei who has been stabbed, shot, and badly beaten up. Hiei laughs at this, and ignores him. Time passes, and normal Yusuke comes with an army and raids the castle, making Evil Overlord Hiei very angry. Very angry indeed.

"Item 48… I will treat any beast that I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge."

Shots of Hiei petting Helen kindly and feeding her all the fangirl bitches she wants. Later, Helen escapes. About 10 minutes later, she goes after Hiei and starts chasing him. Ryouko looked at Himizu.

"What the hell?"

"My dear Ryouko, just look at this one word right there."

"Immediately?"

"You see? A loophole."

"…" -.- "Fix this!!!"

"Yes ma'am! Sheesh…" Himizu used her Authoress powers to send Helen back to her cage about three seconds before she would have doused Hiei in steak sauce and eaten him. In one bite. Mwa ha ha.

"And don't do it again!" Ryouko exclaimed. "Honestly, showing the deadly loophole to that monster was not a good idea!"

"Oh hush, no one died."

"Whatever… Item 49… If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact that can destroy me, I will not send all my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want Ad in the local paper."

Shots of Hiei sending his troops out to seize the Orb of Baast while he quietly snuck off to steal the Shadow Sword. Most unfortunately for him, it is discovered that Ryouko had stolen it and gone off to attack Himizu, probably because she was being stupid again, maybe even stupid enough to insult Hiei in Ryouko's presence. Count on Himizu to do something dumb like that…

After Himizu had beaten Ryouko off with her oversized croquet mallet, she grabbed the script again and scanned it quickly to figure out where she was. "Um… Item 50! My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh PowerBooks."

Shots showing Yusuke and Kuwabara using the most basic hacking system, invented specifically for intellectually challenged fools like them, to hack into Hiei's computer system. Most unluckily for them, Hiei had not yet figured out how to load his world domination plans onto his computer, so they were back to square one.

"Item 51… If one of my dungeon guards begins expressing concern over the conditions in the beautiful princess' cell, I will immediately transfer him to a less people-oriented position."

Prison guard Kurama walked up to Evil Overlord Hiei and began to express concern over the conditions of the beautiful Princess Botan's cell. Hiei sent him off to become his lieutenant. Hence, Kurama directing a horde of troops as they attacked the latest group of rebels intent on overthrowing Evil Overlord Hiei.

"Item 52… I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that I might not know about."

A "board-certified architect" who looked suspiciously like Youko directed his assistants who looked suspiciously like Yusuke and Kuwabara to use a jackhammer to drill through the ceiling of the top floor of the castle. As one might expect, they fell to the next floor, then through all the other floors to land on top of Evil Overlord Hiei. Then the "board-certified architect" who looked suspiciously like Youko ran around and stole Evil Overlord Hiei's shiny objects and ran off laughing like a maniac.

"Item 53… If the beautiful princess that I capture says "I'll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!!" I will say "Oh well" and kill her."

Hiei began to laugh evilly as he took this opportunity to mutilate an effigy of Princess Botan. He then proceeded to mutilate an effigy of Himizu. Then his sword blew up, showing Himizu's displeasure at watching him mutilate an effigy of her. Ryouko laughed insanely at this.

"Item 54…" Himizu snarled after blowing up several inanimate objects nearby. "I will not strike a bargain with a demonic being then attempt to double-cross it simply because I feel like being contrary."

Evil Overlord Hiei shook hands with Elder Toguro and then stabbed him in the back as he walked away.

"Actually… ET deserved that, it's not just because Hiei felt like being contrary…" Himizu noted.

"Who cares!" Ryouko exclaimed. "Item 55… The deformed mutants and oddball psychotics will have their place in my Legions of Terror. However before I send them out on important covert missions that require tact and subtlety, I will first see if there is anyone else equally qualified who would attract less attention."

Hiei was about to send Dr. Ichigaki out on an important undercover mission, but then he realized that trolls are rather conspicuous, so he sent the doctor off to do experiments and sent Shishi Wakamaru instead.

"He's still kinda conspicuous though… with blue hair…" Ryouko pointed out. Hiei rolled his eyes and chucked a blonde wig at Shishi. Himizu snickered.

"Item 56… My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice."

Next thing anyone knew, Kuwabara had got hold of a gun and was shooting randomly, hitting the ceiling, the floor, the wall BEHIND him… in short, anywhere but the target that was right in front of him. Everyone dove for cover, until Ryouko pulled out a rife and shot the gun out of the idiot's hand, then everyone tackled him and tied him to a stake and everyone started shooting at him… with paintballs. Bwa ha ha.

Item 57… Before employing any captured artifacts or machinery, I will carefully read the owner's manual," Ryouko said.

Hiei pulled out a giant machine that would supposedly clone him so that he would have hundreds of evil little Hiei clones with Jagon eyes, fire powers, mad sword skills, and a desire to destroy things, but would for some reason magically obey the real Hiei and let him rule the world. Without reading the manual, Hiei started pressing random buttons, and in a few moments thousands and chibi Hiei's with green skin and Jagon eyes all over their bodies appeared. The four-inch tall Hieis ran around like nuts, swinging their swords that were the size of needles and stabbing people's ankles. Everyone totally freaked out and started stomping on the little maniacs. Then the scene flickered and everyone realized they were watching a dramatization. Hiei rolled his eyes and crossed out something from a sheet of paper with the heading "Plans to Conquer the World".

"Item 58… If it becomes necessary to escape, I will never stop to pose dramatically and toss off a one-liner."

"Why not? That's fun!" Hiei exclaimed.

"Nut…" Himizu muttered. "And you can't do it because…" She pulled a remote control out of nowhere and hit a button.

They all saw a silent film of Hiei running away as his palace collapsed around him. He paused, pointed his finger in the air and said something dramatic. As he finished and turned to keep running, a boulder from his castle wall fell on top of him and crushed him. Yusuke, Kuwabara, and various other people ran up and started doing victory dances, that suspiciously resembled the chicken dance. (Authoress whacks head on desk… this is what she gets for writing this while on a caffeine binge)

"Ah… excellent point…" Hiei said, twitching slightly.

"Item 59… I will never build a sentient computer smarter than I am."

Hiei builds a giant supercomputer. Then he sits down and starts working on various mathematical problems that will help him conquer the world with the fewest resources possible. The computer gives him all the answers much faster than he could have ever gotten them himself. Although he seemed to develop a grudging respect for the computer, this changed when the computer started gloating about its superior intelligence. Then Hiei was forced to kill it with the amazing power of the black dragon, and the genius computer was no more. Hooray!

"Alright, that'll do for now!" Himizu said. "We have definitely made progress, but we still have a 13 and a half page list to go through, woohoo!!!"

"This is not something to celebrate…" Yusuke muttered. Hiei just laughed.

"Hiei's actually enjoying this… never thought I'd see the day!" Ryouko laughed.

"True that… anyways, take a break crew, we'll resume later!" Himizu yelled. Everyone walked off to eat or sleep or watch TV or whatever else they did when they were locked in the giant studio with the psychotic authoresses.

A/N: Once again, I apoligize for leaving this thing hanging for 10 months. For those of you that are actually still waiting for this thing to be updated, I'd really appreciate a review to let me know that there really are people waiting to see how this ends! Thanks for sticking with me everyone, and I hope the wait is worth it!


	7. Items 60 through 69

A/N: Hello all. I just made a decision. I know that a few chapter ago I said I was going to include this other list I found, but I decided that we'd all be happier if I didn't do that. This is taking long enough as it is. So if you want that list, without the YYH characters involved, send me a note and I'll be happy to email you a copy. Enjoy this chapter!

Evil Overlord List, Items 60-69

Himizu marched back into the filming area. "Okay everyone! Let's get back to work!"

"You're inspired?" Ryouko asked.

"Not really, but I'm pissed off and don't feel like studying for a test, so I'm gonna just do this instead."

"Always wise," Ryouko said sarcastically.

"Natch. Now, item 60… My five-year-old child advisor will also be asked to decipher any code I am thinking of using. If he breaks the code in under 30 seconds, it will not be used. Note: This also applies to passwords."

Rinku and Amanuma were both sitting and looking at a code that Hiei wanted them to break. After about five seconds they had it figured out. But when this same code was given to Yusuke and Kuwabara, they had to sit and think for several hours before finally guessing, and getting it totally wrong. Which just goes to prove something, and I'm sure you can figure out what it is.

"Item 61… If my advisors ask "Why are you risking everything on such a mad scheme?" I will not proceed until I have a response that satisfies them."

Hiei was outlining his plan, which he gave to his advisors. But Kaito had to open his mouth and ask why he was risking everything on such a mad scheme.

"For the fame! The glory! The wealth! My name shall be in history books! They will build a giant statue of me in every city! I will have servants to do my every bidding! Life will be grand, so grand! Plus I'm bored as hell and I think conquering the world would be a great diversion."

Kaito's eye twitched. "Uh, if you say so…" He then went and hid.

"Item 62… I will design fortress hallways with no alcoves or protruding structural supports, which intruders could use for cover in a firefight."

Yusuke was shown hiding in an alcove while exchanging fire with Hiei's random soldiers. Kuwabara, on the other hand, wasn't smart enough to hide in the alcove, so he started removing stones from the floor to create a trench for himself. Hiei rolled his eyes at this idiocy.

"Item 63… Bulk trash will be disposed of in incinerators, not compactors. And they will be kept hot, with none of that nonsense about flames going through accessible tunnels at predictable intervals."

We see shots of Yusuke, Kuwabara, and Mitari sneaking through Hiei's fortress. They come across an incinerator tunnel with flames shooting by every minute and a half. There is a sort jump to the passage on the other side. Yusuke waits until flames shoot by, then jumps. Mitari waits until flames shoot by, then jumps. Kuwabara doesn't bother waiting, jumps, and it quickly incinerated and turned into little pieces of ash that float away. Then the scene flickers and we see that we are watching the whole thing on a projector. Yusuke points and laughs at Kuwabara.

"Item 64… I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits that could prove to be a disadvantage."

Hiei is fighting Yusuke. A foot soldier sees that Hiei is about to get shot, so he yells, "Duck!" Hiei starts to waddle around, quacking like a duck. Everyone stop fighting and stares at Hiei's duck imitation.

"Item 65… If I must have computer systems with publicly available terminals, the maps they display of my complex will have a room clearly marked as the Main Control Room. That room will be the Execution Chamber. The actual main control room will be marked as Sewage Overflow Containment."

Yusuke and Kuwabara looked at the computer systems. "Ah, main control room! Let's go!" Yusuke said.

"Ooh… sewage! Let's go there!" Kuwabara exclaimed. Yusuke clocked him on the head.

"Why would you want to go see sewage?" he yelled. Kuwabara shrugged.

"Item 66… My security keypad will actually be a fingerprint scanner. Anyone who watches someone press a sequence of buttons or dusts the pad for fingerprints then subsequently tries to enter by repeating that sequence will trigger the alarm system."

Youko watches Hiei press several buttons, then sneaks over and presses the same buttons. Because Hiei has not yet installed this fingerprint scanner, Youko can easily access Hiei's collection of shiny objects and he collects them all and runs away laughing maniacally.

"Item 67… No matter how many shorts we have in the system, my guards will be instructed to treat every surveillance camera malfunction as a full-scale emergency."

A demon guard is watching a security tape. The screen suddenly goes black. A mass of demons races to the spot, but nothing is there. Then another screen goes black. More demons race to that area. Another screen goes black. More demons hurry over. Hiei and the guard are looking at all the screens. Hiei shakes his head.

"Damn mice… call an exterminator and an electrician, will you?"

"Item 68… I will spare someone who saved my life sometime in the past. This is only reasonable as it encourages others to do so. However, the offer is good one time only. If they want me to spare them again, they'd better save my life again."

Shot of Kuwabara saving Hiei from falling off a cliff. Shot of Hiei resisting the urge to kill Kuwabara for daring to touch him. Shot of Kuwabara laughing at Hiei for being clumsy enough to fall. Shot of Hiei throwing fire at Kuwabara and laughing maniacally the whole time.

"Item 69… All midwives will be banned from the realm. All babies will be delivered at state-approved hospitals. Orphans will be placed in foster-homes, not abandoned in the woods to be raised by creatures of the wild."

A young chibi Kurama is dumped off in the woods. He is promptly found by foxes who adopt him. Years later, he returns as Youko Kurama, who promptly steals all of Hiei's shiny things and runs off, laughing maniacally.

A/N: Yes, I know I've only done ten items, but I gotta post something. Anyways, this will let me evaluate how many people are still actually reading this. The quality of the fic may be effected if I'm not inspired, which is not a threat in any way, it's just a statement that I would like some reviews even though I don't really deserve them since I'm a terrible authoress who can't find the time to work on a fic. But the good news is that I only have 31 items left, so you only have to put up with my procrastination for about two or three more chapters. By the time I leave for college in September, this fic will be done!


	8. Items 70 through 82

Disclaimer: I don't own YYH or the list that I'm using.

A/N: I know, I know, holy hell it's been a long time since I've updated this, I literally just wrote this chapter in the last hour, ran it through Word's spell check, and posted it here. So sorry for any mistakes, I plan to try really hard to fit the last 18 or so items into one chapter, which hopefully will be posted within a week. I would have put more item into this one list but I wrote a really long intro scene... But seriously, how awesome is it that I post 4 chapters to 3 different fics in just a couple days? God I hope this isn't temporary cuz I've really missed writing. You may not believe me, dear readers, but I really really have.

Evil Overlord List, Items 70-82

The YYH Cast looked around in confusion. A few months ago, in the middle of their captivity, the studio had somehow vanished and they were free. So they had gone back to living their normal lives and tried to forget about the psychological scars, but this was clearly no easy task. But now, just when they had begun to believe that Himizu and Ryouko were never coming back, they had suddenly found themselves in an all-too-familiar studio.

"Damnit!" Yusuke yelled, punching the nearest wall. "Why won't she ever leave for good? Why do we always end up back here?"

"At least this one isn't terrible…" Hiei said, grinning slightly.

"Now that's rare… you actually enjoying something that they make us do…" Kurama said, looking quizzically at his friend. "Are you feeling okay?"

"Of course I do, baka kitsune," Hiei snapped, and he was about to continue his angry threats when a blur raced out of a nearby room and tackled him. "What the hell?"

Ryouko (who else) was glomping him tightly. "HIEI! Are you ready to finally finish this fic after it being in fanfic purgatory for well over a year?"

"Hn… baka onna…"

"Hiei, I'm hurt. You think you could be a little nicer to me."

Before he could reply, Himizu wandered in, looking miles more out of it than she usually did. She was humming some odd little tune and didn't seem to notice that her studio was filled with Anime characters.

"HIMIZU NO BAKA!" Ryouko yelled at her. "Here's the script!" She chucked it at her friend, and it bounced off the girl's head, making her fall onto the floor.

"ITAI! Damnit Ryouko!"

"Well pay attention! What were you humming anyways?"

"Traditional Japanese music that I have to listen to for a non-Western music course… I'm actually being ordered to listen to Japanese music, how flipping awesome is that?"

"That's… interesting… does it inspire you?"

"Hell yes it does! Well, that and not wanting to study for my exam tomorrow…"

"BAKA!"

"Kidding, kidding… sort of… Anyways, we are ready to continue filming! Item 70… When my guards split up to search for intruders, they will always travel in groups of at least two. They will be trained so that if one of them disappears mysteriously while on patrol, the other will immediately initiate an alert and call for backup, instead of quizzically peering around a corner."

Yusuke and Kuwabara now dressed as Hiei's soldiers were walking around when Younger Toguro grabbed Yusuke and dragged him around a corner. Kuwabara stood and stared around stupidly before pulling his kitten out of his pocket and cuddling with her.

"Damnit Kuwabara you're supposed to look for Yusuke, why don't you read the damn script?" Himizu yelled at him.

"Oh… right…" Kuwabara said, running around the corner, and straight into Younger Toguro's fist, which was being held out at just the right height. Ryouko patted Toguro's back (at least as high as she could reach) and walked back out, grinning manaically.

"Item 71… If I decide to test a lieutenant's loyalty and see if he/she should be made a trusted lieutenant, I will have a crack squad of marksmen standing by in case the answer is no."

Evil Overlord Hiei in that awesome costume that everyone has probably forgotten by now stood waiting for Lieutenant Kurama to come in and take a loyalty test, but Kurama (shockingly!) fails! Then he pulls off a mask to reveal himself to be the Beautiful Suzaku! (bet you didn't see that coming) Hiei signals for his henchmen to come out with their guns and Suzaku runs away screaming like a pansy girl, or Kuwabara.

"Item 72… If all the heroes are standing together around a strange device and begin to taunt me, I will pull out a conventional weapon instead of using my unstoppable super weapon on them."

Badly-drawn cartoon of several people including Yusuke, Kuwabara, and Botan standing around some device and taunting chibi Evil Hiei appears. Hiei pulls out a nuke. Everyone runs away screaming and the whole scene is vaporized at once. Hiei looked at Himizu and grinned. She snorted.

"Yeah, the day you find my nukes, I will commit hara-kiri even if I have to do it with a rusty spoon."

Ryouko laughed. "Item 73… I will not agree to let the heroes go free if they win a rigged contest, even though my advisors assure me it is impossible for them to win."

Hiei agrees to play a game of Jenken against Yusuke and Kuwabara with his Jagon eye open, but somehow Kuwabara still beats him. Hiei pulls out one of Ryouko's machine guns and starts chasing them all over the studio.

"Item 74… When I create a multimedia presentation of my plan designed so that my five-year-old advisor can easily understand the details, I will not label the disk "Project Overlord" and leave it lying on top of my desk."

Yusuke and Kuwabara, dressed as ninjas, lower themselves from a ceiling with a grappling hook, grab the disk so nicely labeled, and scoot back to the ceiling, but before they can escape out the skylight, they hear Hiei coming back. He is talking on a cellphone.

"Yes Kurama, I know this would work better if you were actually here. No, I refuse to call my IT department. Kaito is the head of the department and he's insufferable. No, I don't want to wait until you get back, I'm a busy man and I need to have Rinku look at my plan! Yes, I have a disk. I even labeled it already so it doesn't get lost once you start helping me set up this computer. Now where did I put that disk? I sat it right on top of my desk before I went to go beat up Karasu until he got off the phone with that gay sex service…"

Yusuke and Kuwabara both fall off the ceiling in one of the biggest Anime falls in history, though whether that was because of what Hiei said about Karasu or because of finding out that the disk was blank is rather unclear.

"Item 75… I will instruct my Legions of Terror to attack the hero en masse, instead of standing around waiting while members break off and attack one or two at a time."

Cartoon shows Yusuke and Kuwabara easily able to kill the few demon minions that Hiei sends their way, then Hiei gets fed up and sends his whole horde at them, and Yusuke and Kuwabara are totally overwhelmed, drowned by demons. Hiei nods approvingly and makes notes on a clipboard.

"Item 76… If the hero runs up to my roof, I will not run up after him and struggle with him in an attempt to push him over the edge. I will also not engage him at the edge of a cliff. (In the middle of a rope-bridge over a river of molten lava is not even worth considering.)"

Yusuke races out onto a rope bridge over molten lava, with Hiei hot on his heels. Yusuke turns and they engage in a fistfight for several minutes before Yusuke is able to land a powerful blow, sending Hiei flying off the bridge to his burning agonized death until he hits the ground with a thud and the river of lava is revealed to be a projection from a movie screen set up by Himizu and Ryouko, who high-five and grin.

"Item 77… If I have a fit of temporary insanity and decide to give the hero the chance to reject a job as my trusted lieutenant, I will retain enough sanity to wait until my current trusted lieutenant is out of earshot before making the offer."

Chibi Hiei is talking to Chibi Yusuke. "…And if you wish to become my trusted lieutenant, you will receive 10 weeks of vacation per year unless I'm mounting an invasion and I need you. You'll even receive dental coverage."

"And will I get hair gel?" asks Chibi Yusuke.

"No, you'll have to buy your own," replies Chibi Hiei.

"Well then forget it!" Chibi Yusuke yells, shooting his spirit gun everywhere and running away. Chibi Kurama bursts in, clearly having heard everything.

"You just offered him my job? You bastard!" and Chibi Kurama starts crying.

Ryouko gasped in horror. "Himizu, what have you done? Kurama's crying! The fangirls are going to be so pissed!"

"Oh crap, I forgot… Aww, come here Chibi Kurama, you know Hiei didn't mean it! Here, have a cookie."

Chibi Kurama takes the cookie and gradually stops crying. Kurama looked at Himizu.

"You're an odd child…"

"I know, and you technically have no right to call me a child since technically you're still 16 and I'm 20 now so nyah!"

"And so mature for your age too…" Kurama muttered. Himizu blew a raspberry at him.

"Anyways… Item 78… I will not tell my Legions of Terror "And he must be taken alive!" The command will be "And try to take him alive if it is reasonably practical.""

Shot of Yusuke and Kuwabara getting shot with about 5000 darts of tranquilizers… apiece… then getting chained up and carried to Hiei in a giant net. Hiei grinned. "Now this is more like it…"

"Item 79… If my doomsday device happens to come with a reverse switch, as soon as it has been employed it will be melted down and made into limited-edition commemorative coins."

Hiei sets off the doomsday device and several cheap little trinkets fall into his hand. He throws them out of the palace windows and the poor townspeople suddenly start dancing like they're in a rap video and singing "Make it rain, make it rain, make it rain!" Hiei's eyes widen to several times their normal size as he stares down at the townspeople.

"Item 80… If my weakest troops fail to eliminate a hero, I will send out my best troops instead of wasting time with progressively stronger ones as he gets closer and closer to my fortress."

Hiei sends out a bunch of pansy-class demons like Jyaki or whatever his name was, the little demon he found when he first got spirit powers, and Yusuke and Kuwabara destroy them. Hiei thinks about sending out some stronger pansy-class demons, then chooses to send out his hulking monster S-class demons. Yusuke and Kuwabara practically pee themselves with terror and run away screaming while Hiei laughs maniacally.

"God I am so glad we taught him to do that. This is just priceless," Ryouko said to Himizu, watching Hiei laugh.

"I agree, even if he did just break one of the first few rules we laid down for him," Himizu said with a grin.

"Good point… but it's not hurting him right now. Anyways, Item 81… If I am fighting with the hero atop a moving platform, have disarmed him, and am about to finish him off and he glances behind me and drops flat, I too will drop flat instead of quizzically turning around to find out what he saw."

Hiei and Yusuke are fighting on top of some randomly moving platform that really seems like it's going to just shatter sometime very soon… Yusuke sees that they are about to move through a somewhat low doorway and he ducks. Hiei turns, and the doorway passes right over top of him, barely skimming his hair. Hiei smirks. Yusuke shakes his head.

"Who knew being short would be a good thing for once," he grumbled.

"Item 82… I will not shoot at any of my enemies if they are standing in front of the crucial support beam to a heavy, dangerous, unbalanced structure."

Standing next to that frightening tower now, Hiei shoots at Yusuke with the machine gun, Yusuke dodges, the bullets strike the tower, the tower falls, and everyone is buried beneath a mountain of wood. The camera has a confused image of people yelling and falling, and then a bunch of wooden boards, then static appears briefly before the camera goes black.


	9. Items 83 through 100!

A/N: Here it is! The final chapter! I know it's a bit late, but it's here. Better late than never. Enjoy! Review! Etc.!

Disclaimer: I own nothing! Nothing at all except my two OC's!

The camera gradually focuses on Himizu, who is lying under several boards with swirly eyes and a dazed look on her face. Then a boot comes swinging in and kicking Himizu in the side, causing her to roll over and groan.

"What the crap happened here?" she whined.

"Some baka was playing with a machine gun and knocked over our terribly unstable tower?" Ryouko replied.

"Were you that baka?"

"IIE! Moron! It was… Yusuke!"

"Nani? I didn't touch the machine gun! Hiei was shooting it at me!"

"And you were the one who ran in front of the very unstable tower, so this mess is all your fault!" Ryouko screamed at him.

Himizu sweatdropped a little. "Okey-dokey… well, we can still film if we just move the camera over here…" She moved the camera so that it was filming a clean area of the studio. "Okay! Item 83! If I'm eating dinner with the hero, put poison in his goblet, then have to leave the table for any reason, I will order new drinks for both of us instead of trying to decide whether or not to switch with him."

Hiei, who had been having dinner with Yusuke and Kuwabara, but was called away by Kurama to discuss a battle plan, walked back in and picked up his glass of wine. Then he looked at it. It didn't look right at all. For one thing, instead of the rich dark red color, it was now an odd fizzy green color. Hiei glared at Yusuke and Kuwabara.

"You must think I'm the biggest idiot alive," he snarled at them, dumping the drink onto the floor where it promptly ate right through the floor. All three guys stared at it. "Okay, seriously, what the hell did you put in my drink?" Hiei demanded angrily.

"Item 84… I will not have captives of one sex guarded by members of the opposite sex."

Keiko and Yukina were dressed in the uniforms of Hiei's army and guarding the doors to dungeons. As Yusuke and Kuwabara were being dragged to their cells, they caught the eyes of the pretty girls and winked and grinned at them. Keiko blushed and as soon as the other guards were gone, she went and opened the door to Yusuke's cell and the two of them started making out passionately. Yukina stared at the open door for a moment before walked over to Kuwabara's door.

"Kazuma, my script says that I am supposed to let you out, so I guess that's what I should do…" she said, looking bemused. "I don't understand though, I thought I was playing the part of a guard for Hiei."

"Yeah, but you're supposed to be so enchanted by my stunning good looks that you just have to let me out so that you can fall into my adoring embrace!" Kuwabara said with a huge doltish grin on his face. Yukina stared at him blankly, then she smiled.

"You're so silly Kazuma," she said. Kuwabara stared at her then sighed miserably.

"Item 85… I will not use any plan in which the final step is horribly complicated, e.g. "Align the 12 Stones of Power on the sacred altar then activate the medallion at the moment of total eclipse." Instead it will be more along the lines of 'Push the button.'"

Hiei walked around a large empty room with a tape measurer, a protractor, and a calculator. He punched in figures, made measurements, and carefully laid out a terribly complicated pattern, then set up some tear gems at points on the pattern, and he kept glancing up at the moon. Finally the last gem was in place around the time the moon reached its zenith. Hiei waited and suddenly a bright pink dragon appeared in front of him.

"What the hell?" he exclaimed. "Where's my black dragon with its uncontrollable powers and rage?"

"Oh, you placed the tear gems around the pinnacle when the moon was three degrees off the zenith, so you get the pink dragon of femininity and beauty!" the pink dragon exclaimed, posing and preening. Hiei twitched so badly he fell to the floor.

"Item 86… I will make sure that my doomsday device is up to code and properly grounded."

Hiei, Kurama, and other henchmen stand around the doomsday device, which is giving off sparks and making hissing sounds, basically looks like it's going to explode at any second. Kurama glances at Hiei.

"Um… are you sure you read the manual correctly?"

"You know perfectly well I can't read Spanish!" Hiei exclaimed, throwing the instructions at Kurama. Kurama picked them up, turned them over, and pointed to the English instructions on the other side. Hiei sweatdropped.

"Item 87… My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them."

A cartoon appears of Hiei chasing Yusuke and Kuwabara onto a rickety wooden bridge, and then shows the bridge disintegrating under their feet and falling into vats labeled with the symbol for nuclear waste. When they emerge, Hiei is suddenly a giant, Yusuke is a bald and wrinkled old man, and Kuwabara is somehow hot… very powerful nuclear waste, this stuff.

"Item 88… If a group of henchmen fail miserably at a task, I will not berate them for incompetence then send the same group out to try the task again."

Cartoon of Hiei giving his henchmen orders and sending them off, only to have all of them fall into a hole. Eventually they get out and go back to Hiei in defeat. He yells at them for a while, then they go back out and fall into the same hole. They get back out and Hiei yells at them some more and sends them off again, only to have them fall into the hole yet again. This continues for a while until Hiei totally loses his temper and starts throwing fireballs at his troops and laughing like a nut.

"What have we done?" Himizu asked Ryouko. "I'll never be able to take him seriously as a threat again."

"When's the last time you took him seriously as a threat?"

"Good point…"

"Item 89… After I capture the hero's super weapon, I will not immediately disband my legions and relax my guard because I believe whoever holds the weapon is unstoppable. After all, the hero held the weapon and I took it from him."

Demonic Hiei ran up and snatched the Shadow Sword from Yusuke and ran off with it, and as soon as he felt he was safe, he turned back into human-like Hiei. Then demonic Yusuke appeared out of nowhere and stole the sword back, and as soon as he felt safe, he turned back into human Yusuke. Demonic Hiei stole it back and this continues ad infinitum until Ryouko finally tackles Hiei to glomp him and Himizu hits Yusuke with her trusty giant mallet.

"Item 90… I will not design my Main Control Room so that every workstation is facing away from the door."

Yusuke and Kuwabara walk into the Main Control Room, fully expecting to have to sneak around and act like ninjas, but instead they find dozens of cubicles staffed with busy little workers pressing buttons, flipping switches, answering phones, and messing with computers and none of them are looking at the door. Yusuke and Kuwabara are able to walk right up to the doomsday device and destroy it, and when Hiei walks in several minutes later and sees his doomsday device in ruins, no one knows what happened, so Hiei is forced to blow things up and rant and rave angrily.

"Item 91… I will not ignore the messenger that stumbles in exhausted and obviously agitated until my personal grooming or current entertainment is finished. It might actually be important."

A messenger raced into Hiei's room, mud-splattered, soaked in sweat, and trembling like a leaf. He ran over to Hiei and started to speak, but Hiei waved his hand to silence him. Then he nodded to the retinue around him. They got back to work grooming him, trimming his hair and fluffing it up into that perfect point, buffing and clipping his nails, shining his shoes, pressing out ever wrinkle in his clothes… As they finished, the messenger started to speak again but Hiei again waved for him to be quiet. Then he stepped to a nearby table and began to enjoy a breakfast of eggs, toast, and sausage with a glass of orange juice. He took his time eating, savoring every morsel of food. When he was finally finished, the messenger tried to speak again, Hiei waved his hand again. Then he walked over to a nearby mirror to check his reflection, then walked over to a bookshelf to select some tomes written about other evil overlords whose plans and strategies he wanted to look over so he could plan his next move. Once his desk was set up for the day's work, Hiei finally turned to look at the messenger, only to glance out the window and see the sky full of flaming arrows. Incredulous, Hiei stepped forward to stare outside.

"What is all this?" he yelled. "Why didn't anyone tell me about this attack?"

"Sir, that's why I ran here so quickly, to warn you about the attack and give you time to get the troops ready!" the messenger exclaimed. Hiei cursed angrily.

"Item 92… If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not taunt him. Instead I will say that his dogged perseverance has given me new insight on the futility of my evil ways and that if he leaves me alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely return to the path of righteousness. (Heroes are incredibly gullible in this regard.)"

Hiei called Yusuke on the phone and told him that he needed a few months of quiet contemplation. After hanging up the phone, Yusuke fist-pumped and patted himself on the back for a job well done. Meanwhile evil evil Hiei went off and started building his doomsday device in earnest without the constant threat of attack from those insufferable "good guys" and when the few months were up, Yusuke and Kuwabara came up to the castle with gifts for Hiei to celebrate him being a "good guy" now. As they arrived, the castle drawbridge opened and Hiei and his troops came out with a super-weapon which he started firing at the poor boys and forcing them to run for their lives and cursing Hiei for the miserable liar that he was.

"Item 93… If I decide to hold a double execution of the hero and an underling who failed or betrayed me, I will see to it that the hero is scheduled to go first."

Hiei was proudly presiding over the execution of Yusuke and of a random demon. While the random demon was being executed, Puu in his giant form flew in with a giant bomb clutched in his talons. He dropped the bomb on Hiei and his troops and flew away with Yusuke. Hiei stared at the bomb for a few seconds before turning and running and cursing the tiny blue bird-thing.

"Item 94… When arresting prisoners, my guards will not allow them to stop and grab a useless trinket of purely sentimental value."

Hiei's guards were arresting Yusuke and Kuwabara. Yusuke asked to grab a tiny keychain and Kuwabara asked to grab a comic books. When they got to the dungeons, Yusuke fiddled with the keychain and revealed a Swiss army knife complete with lock picking kit. He picked the lock and fled Hiei's stronghold. Meanwhile Kuwabara happily read the comic book. Hiei came down to inspect the dungeon a few minutes later and berated his guards for being complete imbeciles, then he stared at Kuwabara who was totally unaware that he'd been abandoned.

"Good grief, what a complete and utter idiot… as if I didn't know that already."

"Item 95… My dungeon will have its own qualified medical staff complete with bodyguards. That way if a prisoner becomes sick and his cellmate tells the guard it's an emergency; the guard will fetch a trauma team instead of opening up the cell for a look."

Having successfully recaptured Yusuke (because Hiei is completely awesome like that), Hiei once more left him in the miserable and pathetic hands on his dungeon guards. Yusuke waited till everyone was gone, then tapped Kuwabara's shoulder.

"I have the perfect plan. All you have to do is groan and say that you don't feel well. I'll call the guards over, and when they're looking at you, I'll knock them out and we'll run for it, okay?"

Kuwabara nodded, and then held his stomach and groaned as though he were in horrible pain. Yusuke called for the guards, who peeked through the small barred opening at the top of the door.

"Yeah, that looks bad. Hold on a minute…" He disappeared and Yusuke winked at Kuwabara. Then the door burst open and several armed guards burst in with weapons drawn. Some held Yusuke against the wall and others covered Kuwabara to make sure he didn't try anything funny. Then a trauma team rushed in and strapped Kuwabara to a gurney and started wheeling him out.

"Hey… hey wait a minute! Um… I think I feel better now! Thanks though! You can take me back to my cell now!" Kuwabara exclaimed.

"Hm, he sounds worse than I feared. And look at those growths on his face! We better give him a potion infused with bat guano and then a slug slime enema," the surgeons muttered to each other.

"I don't know what any of that means, but it sounds really bad…" Kuwabara muttered.

"Item 96… My door mechanisms will be designed so that blasting the control panel on the outside seals the door and blasting the control panel on the inside opens the door, not vice versa."

An old-timey film reel showed Yusuke and Kuwabara race up to the door inside Hiei's fortress. Then the screen split to show two images. In the first one, Yusuke blasted the door panel with his spirit gun and the door opened. Then he and Kuwabara ran in and blasted it again so that the door was sealed shut. Hiei and his troops stood outside and fumed while Yusuke and Kuwabara drank tea and ate cookies.

In the second image, Yusuke tried to blast open the door but the door sealed instead and red lights started flashing and alarms went off. Yusuke and Kuwabara turned to run and there stood evil Hiei with a machine gun and his minions.

"I am sooo glad I paid extra for that door panel upgrade," he said, grinning evilly.

"Item 97… My dungeon cells will not be furnished with objects that contain reflective surfaces or anything that can be unraveled."

Yusuke and Kuwabara were dumped into a cell filled with mirrors and worn blankets made of really tough fibers. Yusuke fired his spirit gun off the mirrors to hit a guard from outside the cell, then blasted a hole in the wall, while Kuwabara unraveled the blankets and made climbing ropes for them. Hiei stared blankly at them.

"Okay, first, how did they do that with mirrors and blankets? Second, why were those things being stored in my dungeon cells anyways? Third, who thought it would be a good idea to put prisoners in a cell being used for storage?"

"Well, we thought it was a better idea than putting them in the cell full of nuclear bombs…" Kurama said pleasantly.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH MY NUKES?" Ryouko and Himizu screamed. Then they looked at each other. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'YOUR NUKES'? THOSE ARE MY NUKES! NO THEY AREN'T, THEY'RE MINE! ARGH!" Then they started strangling each other until they were forcibly restrained.

"Um, anyways… Item 98… If an attractive young couple enters my realm, I will carefully monitor their activities. If I find they are happy and affectionate, I will ignore them. However if circumstance have forced them together against their will and they spend all their time bickering and criticizing each other except during the intermittent occasions when they are saving each other's' lives at which point there are hints of sexual tension, I will immediately order their execution."

Yusuke and Keiko entered Hiei's realm. As they always did, they fought and yelled at each other and Keiko pummeled Yusuke repeatedly. However, occasionally Yusuke would protect Keiko and they would stare at each other and blush awkwardly. Hiei frowned at the screens he was watching their activities on.

"I can't decide whether to kill them or not. On one hand, they're acting in a very suspicious way, but on the other hand, they ALWAYS act like this…"

"Ah, amour," Ryouko and Himizu sighed.

"Item 99… Any data file of crucial importance will be padded to 1.45Mb in size.

Yusuke and Kuwabara made it to Hiei's computer (which he had finally set up and started working on, yay Hiei!) and started looking through it for any files that they could use to defeat him and his dastardly schemes! Ahem. They found several files, one labeled "Plan to destroy Japan", "Super-weapon Blueprints", and "My Weaknesses". Yusuke pulled out a blank disk and went to copy the files to the disk. He realized with horror that the files were absolutely huge and that it would take several minutes to copy each one. Doom! Just as the last file was nearing completion, Hiei stormed into his office with his minions and surrounded the two boys.

"Ha ha! I have caught you at last!" Hiei exclaimed. "You fell into my trap!"

"This was a trap? I should've known! Only a moron would make files with these kinds of names!" Yusuke groaned.

"Exactly, you fools! Those files are actually filled with LOLcats! They made the files too big to copy quickly, plus they are cute and hilarious."

Yusuke face-faulted and Kuwabara tried to get back to Hiei's computer to see the kitties. Hiei had his guards arrest the two boys and Kuwabara was dragged away kicking and screaming "No! Must see funny kitties that use poor grammar!"

"And finally… item 100! In order to keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless trance, I will provide each of them with free unlimited Internet access!"

A shot of everyone in Hiei's realm staring at their computer screens watching videos on YouTube, using Facebook, reading articles from Cracked, looking at LOLcats, and reading YYH fanfictions, leaving Hiei to go about his work undisturbed… or he would, except that the lure of the internet was too strong and he was looking at LOLcats too!

"And we… are… finished!" screamed Himizu, jumping up and down like a hyper child. "YAY! Ye gods, I love it when I finish a fanfic! Great job everyone!"

"FINALLY!" the Cast exclaimed, scattering. Soon only Hiei and Kurama remained. Himizu looked at Ryouko and grinned.

"I love it how these two are always the ones that hang around."

"They're finally used to us!" Ryouko exclaimed, hugging Hiei. He scowled at her.

"We're really just wondering if we get to leave for good now or if you're going to torture us some more," Kurama said.

"Oh, torture you some more, always," Himizu replied cheerfully as Ryouko nuzzled into Hiei's chest like a small child.

"Great…" Kurama sighed, watching Hiei try to wrestle Ryouko off of him. It had been a nice fantasy.

A/N: Yay, this fic is done! YAYAYAYAYAYAY! Mwa ha ha! I love it when I finish a fic.

So… fanfic update… let's see…

Youkai in Black, as you may know, is finished and is just being updated at a slow rate in my vain hope to get more reviews.

I'm currently working on two other fanfics right now, both of which I adore very much and hope to keep a steady pace. One is rather short right now, sadly. Risu was supposed to help me with it a couple weeks ago while she was visiting, but instead we watched Leverage and then looked at this old fic that I'd worked on two or three years ago and given up on… we talked about it for two seconds and suddenly this whole new realm of possibilities opened up before us and we started working on it… I'm on chapter 8 and that fic looks like it'll be my longest fic yet, I'm guessing close to 50 chapters o.O Yikes… I'll be working on that for the next decade…

As for other things, I want to eventually repost my Christmas fic but I want to wait till closer to the holidays before I start it again… And I have several ideas floating around in my note and random documents on my Precious laptop but we'll see where things go I guess.

So I hope you all bear with me while I get my creative juices flowing, review this fic, and stay tuned because I swear that more awesome stuff is coming!


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